Am I two people?

Private thoughts I want to write down, have read, and ponder. I was noticing(yesterday) that for probably the past two months my mood has been quite calm, quiet, go-with-the-flow. My voice was as sweet as Almond Roca. That is the why i noticed the change. When i woke up yesterday I felt an extreme rush of irritability. I was unable to crack out of my negative thoughts and worries but the worst and most scary thing to me was the fact that I could hear that my tone of voice had changed. Does this happen with some people. Is this a normal thing about maybe finding yourself...sweet care bear or heartless bitch? From seeing a psychiatrist and attending counseling classes since I was young... could that be the reason I am constantly analyzing my behavior? Many things line up in my head waiting to be thought of. Ideas, day dreams, and hopefully one day answers. I think that some of the most beautiful minds created were told they were crazy. Allow your mind to wander into the deep dark rainy caves it has not explored.

Opinionated

For quite some time now I have kept quiet. I never want to disturb or rock the boat or pull a rug under anyones feet. I hope this post makes sense to me let alone someone else. I want to help. I want to make a difference in this world we walk upon. I know the little things count.. donations of 5 dollars a month or sponsoring a child and posting their picture to your fridge.. to me it's not enough. I am extremely attracted to the thought of dedicating my life to helping. When I mean dedicating I mean dropping everything I was given. Maybe even my name. I could go nameless. Someone who was allowed to have such opinionated thoughts on movies nowadays and such. I always think to myself, how can people pour there money into a movie, purchasing props and finding a new way for people to enjoy it, such as the comfort of there seats or the freaking lighting for ***'s sake. Well it is an art and I respect and agree with that. Their is an epidemic going on in this world and I am addicted. But I feel as though I cannot and do not have the right to speak my mind unless I have lived it and have dedicated my life to it. I want to build homes for people that don't have homes. I want to make people smile and I want them to make me smile. I feel as though I have been side swiped by a life full of what the fake luxury is... mine being addiction to money. Cars, clothes, sex, drugs. Life has me caught in a whirlwind and I want to get out. I want to be set free and be able to finally enjoy a moment I am living. I don't want to live for all this fake shit I want to live for what is real for what is true and believable. The travel bug has stung me and not for my self indulgence of going and seeing the beautiful world god has created, but it has stung me to meet new people. To know new smiles and benefit from others teaching me things about life. I can't take it anymore to keep taking this life I live for granted. It makes me sick. I am opinionated.

El Arco

April 28th marks two years con mi amor. What a lovely day it was! We went to the famous Arch in Cabo San Lucas. A little history for anyone interested. The Arch is between the split of the Pacific Ocean and the Sea of Cortez. It's a hot spot for pictures. Usually it has water crashing underneath it and is un-walkable. I have always dreamed to be able to walk underneath such a cool piece of God's creation. Luckily and surprisingly enough, people were able to walk under it on my anniversary. It had soft golden sand run below it for about one month. I believe it is every five years this happens. I cherish days like this.

My Sweet Cuppycake RIP

To my loved puppy, cupcake. Mom and Dad miss you! You brought us so much happiness. I miss sitting on the floor and throwing you "the sock". I hope puppy heaven is wonderful and you have made a lot of friends. Bless your little fluffy heart! Besos to you!

From Mom's Homemade To Lost With A Stove

For my whole life I have been spoiled when it comes to eating. And eating healthy I mean. My mother tops all in the kitchen. I can always count on her to whip up the best meal for me after I get off work. Spoon to mouth at twenty-two. I know I'm pathetic. But who doesn't like someone doing something for them. She even cuts apples in a way I could never master. Yet, moving away from home has put me in a bind. I'm constantly stressed if I am eating enough vitamins and if the chicken is cooked completely. Lost in the kitchen sums it up. I wouldn't say I have given up completely but I didn't give cooking a fair shot. A lot of the time I am eating alone since my fiance doesn't get off work until late at night. Who wants to cook a meal to eat alone? Not me! I know with time I will pick it up. But is it fair to say that I will never like cooking. Or enjoy it at that. I'm settling with the idea that I'm no expert. I think we all weren't born with Betty Crocker's blood. I have resorted to eating things that are less of a hassle or going out to eat. A failure in the kitchen. I'm not okay with that title so I have to fix it. We went out for sushi last night. We ordered the monkey roll. Yum! Shrimp, avocado, and cream cheese with banana on top drizzled in chocolate. I was in heaven. Who would have thought to throw chocolate in the mix? That person is a genius. Of course I love my sushi with chipotle sauce. My tongue was confused by all the madness going on in my mouth but no complaints. The night before I made my dinner. Cereal with strawberry yogurt topped with banana. I was proud that I put the effort in cutting the banana for presentation purposes.

Acapulco In Cabo

So my fiance and I have gotten into a routine. Saving money and such has kept us in our nest of watching movies and eating microwave popcorn. Don't get me wrong, this is not a complaint. You could give me buttered or cheese popcorn and a DVD and I'm content. Last night though had to be one of the most amazing times I have had since I have been in Cabo San Lucas. He lightly said before he went off to work that we should head to the beach when he is off. All I could think was YES! When I picked him up from work he threw on his swim shorts and asked me if I wanted to change. Me pondering... what's wrong with my skinny jeans and a tank top with flip flops. Well he wanted to swim. Oh what the hell, so I through on my shorts and changed my shirt and we headed to the OXXO. Bought some of my favorites at the convenient store, hot nuts and a six pack. Drove down to the beach where I figured was going to be just me and him. But Oh No! Party at 11pm on the beach. A band from Acapulco was in town playing for a private party they had set up. This was more than exciting. I felt a rush in me. We snatched our lawn chairs out of the back of the truck and we were off. Sat down for a while listening to the music. Three beers chugged and we moved more near the beach. I would say about 9 teenagers were in the water dancing to the salsa, banda, and cumbia tunes. Angel, my fiance, went to test the water out. Perfect temperature. I was relieved because he is not fond to cold water even when it hits 100 too hot degrees here. I ran out there and started kicking water on him, we danced and laughed and had an amazing, like you see in the movies, crazy time. I was hesitant to dance in front of everybody but who cares? I tried to shake my hips like Shakira and whisper to Angel is it 2 and 2 or 1 and 1. In the end of it all, their are too many days I worry about a little frizz in my hair or my legs looking like jello. Nights like last night force me to the realization to mess up my hair and shake my jello off. Unforgettable!

So today is the 25th of June, 2010. This would be my first blog-post. I wanted to make a blog for my life to be on blast to my family and friends. I have a scatter-box brain and a lot of the time I am all over the place. This will probably reflect on my blog. Maybe for others that don't know me so well I will introduce you to my journey in the present life I am living right now. I am 22 years old. I have lived in Seattle my whole life, come last December I moved to Cabo San Lucas, Mexico to be with my fiance. My title describes the words I remind myself daily, hourly, minutely of how I want to live.