Am I two people?

Private thoughts I want to write down, have read, and ponder. I was noticing(yesterday) that for probably the past two months my mood has been quite calm, quiet, go-with-the-flow. My voice was as sweet as Almond Roca. That is the why i noticed the change. When i woke up yesterday I felt an extreme rush of irritability. I was unable to crack out of my negative thoughts and worries but the worst and most scary thing to me was the fact that I could hear that my tone of voice had changed. Does this happen with some people. Is this a normal thing about maybe finding yourself...sweet care bear or heartless bitch? From seeing a psychiatrist and attending counseling classes since I was young... could that be the reason I am constantly analyzing my behavior? Many things line up in my head waiting to be thought of. Ideas, day dreams, and hopefully one day answers. I think that some of the most beautiful minds created were told they were crazy. Allow your mind to wander into the deep dark rainy caves it has not explored.

Opinionated

For quite some time now I have kept quiet. I never want to disturb or rock the boat or pull a rug under anyones feet. I hope this post makes sense to me let alone someone else. I want to help. I want to make a difference in this world we walk upon. I know the little things count.. donations of 5 dollars a month or sponsoring a child and posting their picture to your fridge.. to me it's not enough. I am extremely attracted to the thought of dedicating my life to helping. When I mean dedicating I mean dropping everything I was given. Maybe even my name. I could go nameless. Someone who was allowed to have such opinionated thoughts on movies nowadays and such. I always think to myself, how can people pour there money into a movie, purchasing props and finding a new way for people to enjoy it, such as the comfort of there seats or the freaking lighting for ***'s sake. Well it is an art and I respect and agree with that. Their is an epidemic going on in this world and I am addicted. But I feel as though I cannot and do not have the right to speak my mind unless I have lived it and have dedicated my life to it. I want to build homes for people that don't have homes. I want to make people smile and I want them to make me smile. I feel as though I have been side swiped by a life full of what the fake luxury is... mine being addiction to money. Cars, clothes, sex, drugs. Life has me caught in a whirlwind and I want to get out. I want to be set free and be able to finally enjoy a moment I am living. I don't want to live for all this fake shit I want to live for what is real for what is true and believable. The travel bug has stung me and not for my self indulgence of going and seeing the beautiful world god has created, but it has stung me to meet new people. To know new smiles and benefit from others teaching me things about life. I can't take it anymore to keep taking this life I live for granted. It makes me sick. I am opinionated.

El Arco

April 28th marks two years con mi amor. What a lovely day it was! We went to the famous Arch in Cabo San Lucas. A little history for anyone interested. The Arch is between the split of the Pacific Ocean and the Sea of Cortez. It's a hot spot for pictures. Usually it has water crashing underneath it and is un-walkable. I have always dreamed to be able to walk underneath such a cool piece of God's creation. Luckily and surprisingly enough, people were able to walk under it on my anniversary. It had soft golden sand run below it for about one month. I believe it is every five years this happens. I cherish days like this.